He kissed a someone with a penis
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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