I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
