: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
