From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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