Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
All I want is dick and wine.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
