I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.