who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
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I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.