Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
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when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!