Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just found puke in my bra..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
