and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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