So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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