Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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