bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
