...so i touched it.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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