You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
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I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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