I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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