I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
