Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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