There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
