I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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