dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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