And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
