FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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