I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
