I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Alive.
So much puke
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
