For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
