He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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