He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
