he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
