and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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