Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
