She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
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He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i think i just lost a toe
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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