she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
