some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i now understand why vodka
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
