I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
