$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
