i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
