If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
