Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
