dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
