we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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