he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
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there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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