none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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