You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
