She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
