Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
