I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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