first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
