I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she told me i tasted like america
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
