I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You are the jesus of drinking
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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