remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
