So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
