Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need to calm my uterus...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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