we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
