Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
