we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
