DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing