We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek