dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.