we're chasing vodka with high fives
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
this just has baby written all over it
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.