lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2