Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating