I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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