Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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