I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.