just come out here and I will go home with you...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
