...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
