Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
