the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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