It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she peed on how many people?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
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Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
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those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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