I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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