i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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