I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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