You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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